I Want To Be Her

First I wanted to be that girl on the big screen,

you know, the one with perfect skin

and fashionable outfits?

Then I wanted to be that one girl,

the one who everyone 

gathers around at a party 

because she's got it all together, you know her?

I really wanted to be the successful girl,

so I could be powerful,

ya know, like a feminist...my tenth grade biology teacher told me I was one--not a successful

girl, but you know, a feminist, I think there is some

truth in it.

I really wanted to be the girl on the cat walk, but 

my height killed me.

Then I started admiring the girl

who took amazing photos--thinking

how is capturing that through a lens, possible?

I would love to be that clever writer, the girl

that knows "big words" and

can paint a story on a page, you know

who I'm talking about?

I thought I needed to be the girl with thousands

of blog followers too--I really wanted to be her.

I didn't think I was good enough if I wasn't.

The girl with the perfect man--that girl, ya, I wanted

to be her too.

There's also that girl who raises chickens,

bakes her own bread,

and grows her own herbs.

Would have been cool to have been

the girl with four babies just about all at once, with

two on my hips at the same time.

But after much contemplation, I don't want to be that girl, her, or her.

I want, and am content with being this girl. Me.

I struggle with being me sometimes,

but I am learning to love her and

all that she is.

There's a bit of everything in me.

And I like exploring.