What Showing Up Can Look Like

No matter where you are right now—in your mind, body, or spirit—what matters is that you show up. Even if it's messy or uncertain, showing up as you are still counts. It always counts. You are enough.

Being enough isn’t about perfection. Being enough is about just showing up, as is. As you. Right where you are.

It’s not about having everything figured out, being healed, confident, productive, or calm. It’s not about meeting some invisible standard of worthiness. Being enough means you’re human. It means you’re here. It means that even in your uncertainty, your flaws, your pain, and your beauty, you still matter. 

Perfection is a moving target, and chasing it will only wear you down. But showing up as you are? That’s real. That’s brave. And that’s enough.  

Because life can be so discouraging, I thought I would share my moments of showing up in the wake of grief, self-doubt, and feelings of isolation over the last couple of months.

Here, showing up with my little therapy dog in the back, to a client session. I'm still grieving, hurting, and foggy, but I'm still managing to do healing work with my clients. They know I've been grieving, and not my best self, but I'm still showing up, and sessions have been beautiful, not perfect, but beautiful in their own way. I may feel down sometimes because I wish I had more clients in my practice, but if I waited to show up until I thought my practice was perfected, I'd keep waiting.

 

 

Here I am doing something very uncomfortable. Handing out flyers for my practice in my neighborhood. This stretched me so much. Each set of steps up to an unfamiliar house: "Will they see me, what will they think, will they come out and yell at me, telling me to get out of their yard"....

But as I chose to keep going in all my discomfort, including the air quality, hence the mask, each step had more ease. I no longer feared going up the steps to each house; as a matter of fact, I had a bit of a spring in my step toward the end of the day. The goal is to get more clients, facilitate groups, and hold retreats, so I start with flyers, a yard sign (yes, we have two), and learning to talk more about what I do instead of worrying about impostor syndrome. Half the battle is believing in myself. 

Here, I showed up for the beautiful, stunning, bright moon. What a gorgeous light that brought contemplation and calm. Don't forget to look up at night, folks. Show up for wonder and awe. It's so good for the soul, no matter what kind of day you had. I remember I struggled with self-worth and purpose this day, so it was nice to see the moon from our second story out the window as I headed up for bed. Starting the day with the sun and ending it with the moon is something I highly recommend.

Choosing to show up to feed myself healthy meals instead of focusing on the 15 pounds I want to lose is a challenge in my mind, that is for sure. Rerouting thoughts of hate about myself in any way is a worthy job, and I will never stop investing in my thought life. Wherever my thoughts are, there I am. I am deeply affected by my self-talk, or lack of self-compassion or self-love. Please just show up and do the best you can. I'm a pasta girl, and here I used a small portion of pasta and added about two cups of veggies. Less pasta, more veggies, and still used all the things I love: olive oil, garlic, Italian seasoning, and crushed red pepper! Even if you're in progress with your body too, you can still enjoy what you eat, and learn that you're going to get there eventually. Don't dismiss the journey because you're so focused on the destination. Let the journey teach you. 

In the journey, ask as many questions as possible and see if you can get quiet enough to hear. Listen to what you need to understand and how you want to grow. It might not be a food or body journey, but my guess is that you're on a similar journey. Loving our bodies the way they are in the moment and their current state is the hardest work that exists on earth, if you ask me.

I'm showing up and honoring weird, confusing feelings. As a child with divorced parents, I often longed for a home to go to. One where both of my parents were, one where things from my childhood were, like my records, my decorations, and my bed. One where meaningful childhood memories were hanging on the walls. One where my parents were together. I've lived with the reality of divorced parents for over 30 years, but when my Dad died four months ago, the reality of it intensified. 

I didn't judge the situation or myself for having these confusing feelings. I instead wondered about these emotions and just observed them. I showed up to uncomfortable emotional places within myself and let myself feel them, not solve them, but allow myself for them to be felt. I spent some time lingering in these emotions. By doing so, I realized that I'm deeply enamored with the fact that these two made me love me and adore me. I am their child. This may seem practical, which it is, it's a fact, but it's a felt sense I've had, a deep experience. I guess what was felt was longing and gratitude at the same time. I'm still not sure, but showing up to feeling weird is worth it and a good thing.

One of the reasons I think it can be hard for us to show up as is is because we don't trust that things take time to grow. It takes time for us to grow, others to grow, relationships to grow, and it takes a very long time for plants to grow, apparently. I've had this guy since we moved back to Minnesota, for three years, and those lightly colored stems are the first signs of growth. How can that be! I don't particularly know the answer for this plant, but it might be why it takes us so long to grow sometimes: we need to move around to find the sweet spot so we feel safe to grow, we sometimes need extra time and tenderness and sometimes life just does't clique for us until it cliques for us. Intuitively, we will eventually grow when we are ready and willing, and maybe that goes for this plant as well. 

Boy, this is a big one. My husband showing up. The father of my child passed away in March. He was my baby daddy, my daughter's Dad, and we reconciled our relationship while he was in hospice. When my daughter was responsible for going through all of his belongings, we helped her. A few days after his funeral me, my daughter, my son-in-law, and my husband headed down to our unfinished 1909 basement and dug in. We are doing real-life things here, people. The unseen courage and bravery, the actions of the heart that don't get spoken of publicly, is where true living starts. 

We went through Mike's things, and wow, was he a collector! (And no, my daughter did not get this trait, ok, maybe she did)

One of the many boxes we went through was all of Mike's fancy sports jerseys;s. Now, keep in mind, I am absolutely clueless when it comes to sports, I am not a sports fan, and mostly, I just don't get it. So when all of these jerseys appeared on my basement floor, I was floored. What on earth were these? Why would anyone have so many, and more importantly, why would anyone want them! We all got a kick out of it, out of Mike. As we dug and dug, my daughter said enthusiastically, "You can have one, Kev! Go for it." Kevin, my husband, also known as "Kev," went for it. He ended up with a couple of jerseys, a couple of hats. 

This photo is my husband Kevin, wearing my baby daddy who passed away's, sports get up. Kevin wore this stuff to the Twins game 30 minutes after I took this picture. There is so much meaning here but I think it's obvious without going into it. What a moment. I guess this is one way to show up.

Another way to show up is like this. My sweet, precious, strong Mommy! She was diagnosed with Lung cancer back in April, less than two months after my Dad died, I know, I know. My Mom has been weak, she's been strong, she's been mad, she's been sad, she's had pity on herself, and she's been down in the dumps. But she still shows up. And it's because of all of those emotions and phases over the last few months that she's been able to rise above some of that. Growth comes from showing up to your emotions, too. Growth comes when we deal with ourselves. And one way to deal with ourselves is by showing up!

Being real with how you feel and being honest about your thoughts is vital to showing up, and most likely a bridge to get us to the next phase personally. Mom has shown up for her chemo treatments, bingo, my house, day trips, weekend trips, her birthday dinner, and she's shown up for losing her hair. She let my husband shave her head because it was falling out so fast. She's showing up for others too, she's got three kids and five grandkids that count on her support and love, and she's doing it, even sick. She may not feel like herself most of the time, but she still shows up. 

Talk about the ultimate showing up, Mom has ditched the turbans and is rocking her bald head at Gooseberry Falls in Duluth, MN, as we speak!

Thank you for being such an inspiration, Mom! Way to SHOW UP

We don't have to know it all, we don't have to have it all figured out, and we don't have to have all the right moves to show up. If I waited until I knew the exact thing to say and do, I would stayed curled up in a fetal position in bed. I just simply wouldn't show up, and I've done this, not shown up. You may be angry, full of grief, confused, defeated, or full of despair. I know there's a way you can show up.

You may be "working on it", you may be on the brink of giving up. It doesn't matter. You can choose to show up just as you are.