I Am Resolute

I am resolute that I will keep focusing on the voices that tell me I'm already enough.

I am resolute that I am going to see others through the eyes of the Mighty One, then I know they are good deep down beyond their pain and bad behavior. And so am I.

I am resolute that I am going to hear you out and focus on what you are saying first before interrupting to get in what I want to say.

I am resolute to recognize that everyone, all of us, is in the middle of our happy, painful, sad, joyous, crazy, complicated life stories.

I am resolute to not see the world through measuring. I'm out, you're in. No thanks.

I am resolute to let my adult daughter's life be her very own, not mine at all.

I am resolute to treat you a little kinder than you deserve. 

I am resolute to treat myself the way God treats me, better than I deserve. 

I am resolute to finish one journal before starting another. That said, I am resolute to not buy another journal before another is used up.

I am resolute to convince myself to eat kimchi.

I am resolute to learn to love and embrace my body in all its stages. Health, illness, and any poundage that happens to be tipping the scale on any given month.

I am resolute to keep God out of  His box. (His/Him is how I identify with God because of Jesus)

I am resolute to keep speaking up for oppressed voices and people on the brim.

I am resolute to keep making amends where needed and apologizing for past and present hurts.

I am resolute to keep telling myself that my body is only for God and myself.

I am resolute to not take your crap as a responsibility of mine. With that, I am resolute to not take your treating me rudely, unfairly or unkindly as a reflection of myself.

I am resolute to volunteer with the Trans community.

I am resolute to write more by choosing courage over fear.

I am resolute to ask for what I want/need more often instead of constantly ignoring them and bowing to yours.

I am resolute to keep on dancing.

I am resolute to non-perfection.

I am resolute to finding a teeth whitener.

I am resolute to smile by myself more; randomly.

I am resolute to get out more and see plays.

I am resolute to accept that I am still an awesome woman regardless of not being able to deep clean.  Dirty floors, dirty tubs are results of chronic pain.

I am resolute to stay with compliments, encouraging comments, "well dones", messages, and cards longer. We all need to stay a bit longer.

Ya ya mostly I am resolute to my usual number one resolution of my daily life: staying. 

Staying a bit longer with the Presence, with the people I love and people I am feeling dislike for. With strangers and neighbors. And with nature. With a book. With the stars. With coffee. Just a bit longer. At the table. At the window.

I challenge myself to stay a few moments longer this year. 

It's in the staying that bits of transformation starts to happen, instead of cruising on through the next moment. Staying to me is connectedness. And there is nothing more in this life that most people want more. Including me.

So I am resolute to keep giving it. I'll stay as long as I need to. I just want to stay. Hear that extra thing you wanted to say. Listen longer to the next thing I wanted to think. Feel a bit longer to the emotion I wanted to feel. Stay.

Absorb the sun a few minutes more. Taste my food more intentionally. Listen to the birdsong.

Look longer. Stay.