I Know It Hurts

I've been many places. Places of deep despair, places of feeling sorry for myself, places of hopelessness, places of grief. Places of rage. Places of injustice, (but not nearly as much as some). Places in the dark, bitter, cold, and confusing night. In the trenches. Places of hating others and myself. Places I never imagined I'd have to go. And of all of those places traveled, there has always been a reigning truth, even though it was not easy to get there. There has been a new morning. There's been dew on the grass. There's been a sun coming up over the eastern hills. There's been a wave crashing on the sands. There's been a new petal on a flower. There have been birds singing, chirping a new song. Always. But we are still hurting, aren't we? Life has proven it's difficulty in many forms. It's mean head has taken on many faces. And it hurts. We don't know how we have been able to get through some of it, huh?

This world as we know it, will never get it just right. It won't. Not through it's politics, religion, defensiveness, it's anger, it's pain. Life will not be fully OK for a long time.
But this doesn't, it can't, keep us hoping for a hope where we can trust each day, each week, no matter what we are facing, that the anguish, frustration, loneliness, and sadness won't last forever. Our current circumstances are just that, current. Even our today's won't stay the same.


There is a new day coming. A day God created for you to experience someday.

You will not be struggling as a working Mom every single day for the rest of your life.
You will not be experiencing some of the struggles as a Pastor and the demanding needs of your congregation every single day.
You will not be feeling the agony of the death of a loved one for the rest of your days.
You will not be suffering in your body and it's physical pain in the exact same way for the time you have left.
Life's debts will not weigh you down forever.
You will not be defined by the smallness put upon you by others forever.
The color of your skin will not be a source of pain for you forever. A new day is coming.
You will not struggle to be understood one day.
You will not have to live in fear of who you are forever.
You will not have to try to make everybody happy forever.
You will not struggle with your mental illness forever. It will not bog you down.  A new day is coming.
You will not be abused forever.
You will not live in shame forever.
You will not be the brunt of other peoples jokes forever.
You will not be judged for how you live or what you do forever.
You will not worry forever.
You will not be concerned about your looks forever.
You will not feel defeated, unseen, unheard or misunderstood forever.
You will not struggle to make ends meet forever.
You will not have to hide forever.


Hope a hope that is bigger than all of this.

Tomorrow is a test of how we can live with what is.

"Hope means expectancy when things are otherwise hopeless." G.K. Chesterton

"When we learn to move through suffering, rather than avoid it, then we greet it differently. We become willing to let it teach us. We even begin to see how God can use it for some larger end." Henri Nouwen

What if we could see life this way everyday? So eager and accepting of what's next.

The sunrise is proof of a new dawn, a new day. Can we accept that life is a big mixture of every feeling we could ever discover?  Do we accept that life is full of every physical pain we could ever endure? Can we accept that life is full of laughter, tears, sorrow, joy, pain, and giddiness? Can we accept that it is full of the kind and the unkind? Can we accept that it is unclear and confusing, yet full of knowledge and wisdom waiting anxiously for us? Can we live in a world where hate isn't going away tomorrow or the next day or the next? But that love also isn't going away??
Do we believe there is a place that is better than living on this rugged earth? I do.
In the meantime can we look forward to the carefree, feel good days, even the mundane days have purpose and meaning,  AND know full well that pain will be part of this journey too?

God never wanted this, it wasn't part of the plan. We were suppose to run free and naked in the Garden, and now look! 

We are naked and ashamed. We feel pain in every possible way! Others hurt us, we hurt others. Life itself hurts us. When my best friend died over 3 years ago (I can't believe it's been that long now), one of my mentors told me, "Gina, of course it hurts that bad, we weren't suppose to die in the first place, so when we experience loss, the pain is immeasurable because we weren't suppose to ever feel that." Death wasn't God's choice, it was ours. WE chose to "figure it out for ourselves"!
At least that is my theology of it. Life is still a grand mystery, (but I hope we are all on a quest for a way to live that is palatable, I know that's what I have to do to survive. I have to find better ways to see and understand things just so I can function! Believe it or not, we have the power to choose our approach to life, and finding a way that is livable for myself has helped a lot. I'm not writing to convince you of a particular view, but I'm here to encourage you to GET a view. To gain a perspective so that it can help you live more well in the mystery and pain of it all. It takes the edge off, believe me). WE made a choice to eat a tasty piece of fruit when God was like, "No!!! Please don't do it, trust me, I know a better way, I know how to protect you, don't do it!" I digress, we did it. And the world has never been the same. We are still feeling its affects. And it hurts like hell. We chose a way God didn't originally want us to choose.

So much hurts: our emotions, our brains, our precious bodies. Can we accept that we will experience, see, and hear life in ways that we would rather not? That our life is not all "happy" but not all bad?  Can we surrender to the pain, embrace those around us who can love us, and hope for that hope that it will not be forever? And learn to live in the mystery with still being curious about the meaning of life?

Listen and pay attention to what you love! Talk about what you love! Read what you love! Be with those you love! Live in the present moment with the losses, and the blessed gifts around you! That is a spiritual practice that will go far. I promise it won't last forever. But I also know there will be the pain of next time. But until next time, know that life is still good, and God is always good.