If My Loved One Were Here

Losing a loved one that was near and dear to your heart, and woven into the everyday tapestry of your life, disrupts everything. One of the major areas it has disrupted my life, that I've noticed over the last two and a half years since she's been gone, is the everyday sharing. I miss it immensely. So I decided to really think about the things I would tell her if she were here, and I could talk to her on the phone or if we met for coffee again, or our favorite, a big bowl of pasta with tasty, spicy red sauce. I wrote them down here:

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her that I can't really get into Christmas this year, that I haven't bought one gift.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her that my husband hurt me real bad last week and made me cry.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her how I'm struggling a bit out here living in California, that people either think I'm a freaky "super christian", sexist or racist. And it makes me sad.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her how happy and grateful I am that there is change happening in the work place for women, and we'd woo hoo over that together.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her how trendy and popular La Croix has gotten, and I know she'd shake her head. Because we've been drinking it for about 20 years.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her about this awesome new coffee drink I tried the other day when I went to the beach, the Snowy Plover, and how much she'd obsess over it.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her how amazing it is to go to the mountains or ocean any ol' time living where I live.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her that I'm not too sure about these lines coming in on my face, especially around my mouth. I can't get use to them.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her we were going to buy Nells a special cookie tonight for his 12th birthday.

If my loved one were here, I would tell her that my daughter is thriving in her physical and mental health, her work and her spirituality.

If my loved one were here, I'd be going on and on about how I met my favorite band, Enter The Worship Circle a month ago.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her that I still feel pointless and unloved in life often.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her how hard I'm working on writing, and that my book will be dedicated to her.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her how much I love having 7 clients as a counselor now and it fills me with a sense of purpose.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her how I work out now, and that I love Zumba class, and that I know she'd love it too!

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her I'm ready to come back to Minnesota.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her how I had to get a Charlie Brown Christmas tree and how frustrating that is, but that it's sort of growing on me now.

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her that for the first time in 6 years, my weekly treatments are actually working and that I have less pain now!

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her that I hiked 5 miles!

If my loved one were here, I'd tell her I live just a few miles from her favorite product line, 100% Pure.

If my loved one were here, I'd remind her how lovely, smart, funny, caring, sacrificial, useful, wise and awesome she was and that I couldn't live without her.


What would you tell your loved one if they were here?