An Ode To Motherhood

Most of the time in the early years, it was her and I and this stroller.

Smiling, both of us, always.

 You get to a point when you're glad halloween is done. So many crazy nights getting into cute or ugly costumes. It's all for love.

 4 years old when her ear drum ruptured (she has partial hearing loss in her right ear), and putting these annoying plugs in her ears for years before she swam caused one thing: fighting. Argh.

"STAND STILL, you have to wear these!"

"OWWW YOU'RE HURTING ME."

"STOP.....!!!!"

 No matter WHAT it is. I've learned the hard way, with having no money for so many years, that kids need your TIME. There is no other way than being intentional about it. They are happy with YOU.

Even on a swing set.

 I love it when our kids can see us go through big life transitions, or changes, like my daughter by my side celebrating me turning 30! That's pretty cool.

Again, mundane things, like watching your kid dance in the living room. Yep, they love it.

 Every dance recital til she was 16! If Motherhood deserves one thing, it's a THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME PATIENCE FIRST HAND.

 It's a blessing, honor and privilege to introduce our kids to stuff that is bigger than them, outside of them, and not in their comfort zone. Mission trips, ministry help and befriending someone that is sitting alone are just to name a few. It's incredible to help shape your kid into a person.

 Time taken for coffee, ice-cream or a burger are big in kids eyes.

 One of the worst nights of my life was letting my kid drive away from our drive-way the first night she got her DL. Terrifying. But Motherhood is wanting to show us a lot about letting go...

 So many plays, musicals, and dance performances. Showing up when we are able to give support and cheer them on is monumental.

 Tender moments matter so much. Catch them. Stay with them. Soak them up.

Sometimes there are no words for love, just faces.

After all we've shared through the journey of motherhood and childhood, we keep growing, keep reaching and keep clinging to what works best: voices shared, voices heard, voices validated. 

Respect. Unconditional love. Humility.  

Time together.

Intentional.

Motherhood, I can thank you, and I will.
Thank you for giving me a different body than I had before I gave birth,
because of it, I have not only stretched physically, but mentally, emotionally and mentally, as it's 
a fight most of the time not to hate my body. It builds my character. 

Motherhood, thank you for allowing me to experience at a young age the
ultimate sacrifice in selflessness. While I missed out on a lot, I had an 
extra bonus of learning this early on in life.

Motherhood, thank you for every tantrum, every sleepless night, every sniffle of the nose,
it taught me resilience in other aspects of my life, and how to truly get to my child's level, and comfort and soothe them when they were uncomfortable. I am better because I have comforted so much. Because I can comfort others with ease now.

Motherhood, thank you for the fear and anxiety in starting to let go of my child as she gets older in age, as in doing so, she has room to grow. And so do I.

Motherhood, thank you for every lie, every naughty behavior and every rebellion my child said or did, as through those I learned the hard lesson on disciplining, and how vital that is for a child to thrive, even though it hurts us both.

Motherhood, thank you for all the challenges, heartache, accidents and tragedies you've presented that were totally unexpected, 
without them, I would not know the extreme depth of my heart and what it can hold for another person. I would never have been given the chance to do so many of the actions I didn't want to do. And that's so good for me.

Motherhood, thank you for things being extremely tough for me physically with illness, as it was challenging to see my kid do so much around the house, but this humbled me, and it helped her know and realize that the house doesn't get cleaned or picked up on its own. It helped her become a good helper even to this day.

Motherhood, thank you for the high emotions, the confusion and pain that my child had,
for because of it, our relationship blossomed, and authenticity became the name of the game for
both of us.

Motherhood, thank you for every time I raised my voice, was out of line, or was down right cruel to my kid, because of it, I didn't think I was a failure, but saw my small pieces of brokenness as part of a bigger brokenness that all of the world has. You helped me see that a failure was the last thing I was, but that I was a total human person raising a total human person.

Motherhood, thank you for my child experiencing loss, rejection, and loneliness, because of it, I learned teachable moments, I was able to share the views I had with God's perspective on such things, and offer the personal insight that I had, and it was accepted and heard.

Motherhood, thank you for allowing me to do "too much" and for having a servant heart, even when it was hard, or I was sick, or tired, it's because of that that I learned I don't need to be appreciated for all I do, but that when I allowed for my kid to appreciate in her own time, that it was beautiful and meaningful. Being appreciated is an "extra". Thank you for freeing me of demanding it.

Motherhood, thank you for all the times my child "got it wrong". It was a delight and privilege to give her my perspective on what I think is "right".

Motherhood, thank you for all those trying, difficult, hard years of single motherhood, it allowed me to blend a family, which had/has it's struggles, but boy is it beautiful and special.

Motherhood, thank you for the distance that has happened physically and emotionally between me and my kid, as honest journey's are better than cheap talk or fake relationships. You helped us grow closer together, while our hearts needed breaks, or we needed to grow in different ways.

Motherhood, thank you for all the imperfections, in every single way, as you've helped me, and my kid to see that the process and journey is not marked by perfection, but marked by growth, newness, maturity, and most of all, building relationship through disagreements, frustrations, happy times, and struggles, in the most tangible ways, not platitudes. Sharing what's in our hearts, on our minds in the most real way we know how, so that we are united. Where there is unity, there is God. Where there is God, there is real love. 


Motherhood, thank you for all the crying, the yelling, the laughing, the silence, the arms up in the air, the dancing, the arguing, the kisses, the hugs, the music, the fun, the hard, the sad, the ups and downs, the communion, the separateness, the togetherness, the far apart, the closeness, the happy, sad, mad, lazy, good times, bad times, vacations, staycations, TV watchin, adventure seekin, dinner table union, cooking, praying, praising, lamenting, encouraging, blaming, forgiving, merciful, gracefilled moments, times, months and years you gave me, you have made my heart, and mind something it wasn't before. And I'll never be ever to thank you enough, I look forward to all you have for me to come.