Thursday, July 21, 2016

When Mockery Or Name Calling Is More Natural Than Grace Or Mercy

"If we could read the secret history of your enemies, (today it's Melania Trump, right? But you can fill in your own blank...), we should find in each persons life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." Longfellow


It's all the hype, right? The maybe soon to be First Lady's speech at the GOP? We attack her like vultures, not given a second thought about making fun of or making her the center of every joke. We're like vultures who haven't eaten in weeks.

Sidenote: it's taken me a while to write my PART 2 of the Dolphins And Baby Deer, the second half of my post about my daughter's motorcycle accident; mainly because of the tragedies that happen in early July. Those threw me off and I sort of went into prayer instantly for our nation and communities and the families that are mourning. I do want to follow through on that second blog post. I even wrote a piece regarding the state of our nation right now too, but it's such a fragile thing, I might not be quite equipped to share without offending, or stirring up something or someone. 
But when I saw the headlines the other morning about Melania Trump, I felt the urge to share about her speech situation. So I did, so I am, and here goes.

It's MUCH EASIER for us to dive in and give our opinions, create judgement and honestly, be unkind. It's MUCH HARDER to be loving, graceful and merciful. It takes something extra special to do what we are not inclined to do or what we don't feel like doing, right? Why is that? The answer is long and complex, full of a variety of reasons. But the short, simplest answer for now? We are threatened, and are not at peace. We have a root issue problem, deep within, and we spew out all over the place when we live in fear, or bitterness, or unrest. That is why we have knee-jerk reactions to things we don't like, or don't agree with. We are trying to self-sooth, self-protect in some form, sort of like we do with our loved ones when they are being beat down or ridiculed. It's our natural instinct that kicks in and says, 

"Hey, NO NO NO, this isn't right, I don't agree with this! Oh my goodness, how could this person do or say such a thing? I must revolt against it by fighting my way through." 

And out comes our negativity, cruelty (with no thought of the other person we are "against"), mockery, and judgmentalism.

It bleeds into every area of our lives. There's a good reason we react this way, (we are trying to get a need met, we do have a positive intention), but it's not a healthy one and we don't have to do it. 

We are working to protect our souls. We know what we know, think and feel. And that needs to be made clear. We think by reacting in these ways, we'll find relief. But we are fooled, because these behaviors and reactions only bring temporary, quick, put the fire out relief. But see, the fire is still going inside. It's just been snuffed for a little while. Just like any temporary high or instant gratification, enjoying the self-soothing tactic, but it doesn't last. We only feel better momentarily. Until the next thing makes our blood boil, works us up or we disagree.

It will return again and again and again, because we've never really dealt or fully dealt with the WHY behind this or that particular thing that riles us up. This doesn't just translate online with all the political madness, or different religious views. And the most important insightful question to ask is, "Why am I responding this way?" That takes courage.

I have found that asking that tough question, sometimes humiliating questions to myself, relying on the Prince of Peace Himself, Jesus, relying on God's power and love in me, not on my human strength, and counseling is how I've come to find contentment, and my gut reactions are no longer to name call, prove wrong, puff myself up, or express negatively. I ask, "Am I helping or hurting?" I never saw Jesus calling people names, mocking anyone, (He was in fact mocked Himself), or judge on person and He was GOD!

If we find the courage to look deep within the chambers of our hearts and start asking questions and wondering, "Hmmm, why does that bother me so much?" "Why am I so annoyed and worked up right now?" "Why do I feel so angry or full of rage?" "Why do I feel so opinionated and judgmental?" "Why do I feel ill-willed toward this person?"

It runs deep friends. If something gets us worked up, (and it's not always a bad thing, it can be used for good, but I'm referring to when it's not), it's important to know why it's taking such a negative toll on my soul, body, mind and spirit! There are many layers, and many questions to ask, but it will eventually reveal itself to you. And it won't be fun or easy. 

The truth, your why, will show it's face and surface and it will hurt. It will be hard. It will be shocking, enlightening, humbling, fascinating and freeing.

Most people usually don't want to deal with their hearts because they are afraid of what they might find. Most of us think we know all the answers for whatever our cities, government, friends, families, constitutions, or religions need. Truth is, only GOD and they know, not you. We are a pople who love to be right and most of the time think we are. So why bother looking internally at our hearts? What lies in there?

Let me give you a tangible example, especially in dealing with online stuff:

As a blogger, one of the struggles most of bloggers have in common is comparison toward other bloggers; the ones in our circles, where a lot of us are friends! We see the creativity or successes based on what the internet considers what their online "numbers" show (many are "successful" beyond online). We'll see someone with 50K followers and think, "I want more followers, why don't I have more?" "Why don't I and can't I have what she has?" "Why can't I do what she does?" 
I wish I had a bigger house, nicer things, a cool farm, more kids....whatever it might be. And then I start feeling ill-willed toward someone because I'm jealous, or envious. It's then hard for me to wish her success, or good things, because the ugliness in my heart takes over. 

Well if I go through a series of questions and look directly into my heart, it starts to play out like this for me: "She must be better than me overall" "I must not be good enough" "I'm not creative enough" "She has more than me" "I'm not talented" "She's happier, more peaceful and has a better life"

And then....the kicker, it gets deeper, another level:

"If I have more followers, that means I have found success, so if I don't have as many as HER OR HER OR HER, then I'm not as important or great. If I have more followers that would mean more attention for me, I'd be noticed, noteworthy, gifted, talented, and that would mean I would be more admired and loved." THIS is how it always plays out for ME. And it began at age 4 for me. But truth is I am already LOVED, ADMIRED AND NOTICED, by the ONE TRUE God! 
(There is something we call THIS=THAT language in counseling, and it basically means that I would think that my small following means I'm less great, less smart, less creative, less than. And it simply does not mean that!) Just like however you want to fill in the blanks with THIS=THAT language, it's not true for you either!

But! it's a trick again! We are fooled. It reminds me of when I was anorexic for many years. I weighed under 100 pounds and I was STILL miserable, depressed and discontented. See, it wasn't about my weight at all. Just like it's not about my blogging numbers, it's about what's wrong on a deeper level. Because sooner or later, what's "in here" will show up "out there" in some crazy ol' ways if I don't learn about what's going on inside my heart. Something hurts. There is some wound there. It's about what's going on in and through my heart and mind. The underlying issue/s in my life. My deep, deep rooted wound pain, and false belief of myself and my world, which I know now, and you will too hopefully, maybe you already do. If you peel back the layers, more and more will come to light as to WHY we think, feel and do what we do at any given moment online, or real life.

We'll know why our first gut reaction is to call out and mock Melania Trump, instead of issuing her grace and mercy FIRST. By doing this kind of "work" in our lives and in our hearts, we'll become more and more aware just how something that can seem so harmless, is actually pretty cruel, thoughtless and unloving.

Ultimately we love God, ourselves and others in the most healthy, edifying, graceful, peaceful, wise, fair way by starting to look straight into our hearts. Then I'm free. You're free. We're free.


2 comments:

Kathy Masterjohn said...

This is so awesome! You are so wise and wonderful!

BartandVeronica G said...

Wow. Gina! This is SO great! I really needed to read this. I deal with this low self worth type of feeling alot. Im working hard, and closely with The Lord on this in my life. Im no longer on instagram or anything because It all made me talk to myself negatively! Im so glad I read this.
Thank you!❤
Love and hugs, Veronica