The Places I've Been

I've been to some of the darkest places a human would 

rather not. I've felt the hands of evil, as a young child and

as a grown woman.

Hands that had the power 

for many years to rule my mind 

and my life.

I've had drama in friendships and relationships end poorly.

I've been to dark places in my marriage. 

Where I've barricaded myself

in the closet, with intentions to never exit.

I've gone to the place of utter despair in regard to

my own personal view of myself, through

eating disorders and physical harm.

Self hate is no place to be.

I've hidden in a dark cave, covered in shame.

Physically, I've experienced more

pain than most humans will ever feel in

their lifetime.

I've gone to places in my heart, I never thought I could, both

pretty and ugly. I've lusted,

been envious,

lied,

and stole.

I've forgiven, been forgiven, shown mercy, gave grace and 

lived a life of compassion. Those are unnatural to us

humans most of the time.

I allowed to let my self and God take me there.

I've been transformed internally and

 am embracing character building

all the day long.

But I've never been away from my physical elements for more

than weeks at a time.

I've never lived without my husband for an extendeded

amount of time.

I didn't expect my daughter to not spend a holiday 

with her family, but with a man that torments her soul.

These are places I did not expect to go.

I've never been a soldier, leaving behind his family

to serve his country.

I've never been a missionary, living abroad away from

all that's familiar.

I've never even been a college student, living out of my 

element for four years.

I've never had a job transfer.

Aside from being evicted as a single mom,
I've been lonely, desperate, burned out and at my witts end.
I've been mean, rude, and uncharming.
But.

I've always had physical element comforts right with me.

I can be up in arms completely out of whack and all

mixed up, and 

still be ok knowing
 that my real landing place is God's heart.

I could be in a card board box on the corner of Hennepin

in the middle of a Minnesota winter, and still not be shaken.

That's how anchoring God's peace and love is.

He's showing me a new thing, and I'm not liking it so much.

But I need to go to more places, 

if I'm to be used for my highest purpose.

I didn't want to go to the other places either, but

the evil in the world provided some of those

and God pulled me through and brought beauty out of it all.

He'll do the same for this.

I just have to believe.

And I do.

We must go to the places we are unsure of, and trust that God

will use us in the process and in the outcome.

Going to unseen, unknown, unfamiliar places, bring

about goodness, and beauty if we let it.

Consider it a privilege.

At least that's what I'm doing.

Anything that is hard, is worth it.

I challenge you to go there.

Ya, you'll be mixed up and out of sorts like

I am, but you'll land safely to a new place, showing

and teaching you all you need to know.