Wednesday, April 9, 2014

A Thing Or Two About {your} Value

There was a blogging conference a week or so ago in Dallas, a lot of my readers are bloggers so they will be familiar with it. For those that aren't, it's a conference not only for bloggers, but mainly bloggers go because it was bloggers who started it. The blogging world is an interesting {funny} place. When I started blogging 3 years ago I had NO idea what I was about to embark on. None. As I started networking and reading other blogs, and putting myself out there and time into my blog, I got readers, I got followers. But it came to a bit of a "stand still" if you will on growth. I was able to connect into the "christian blog community" but because I am unable to put the time and energy I need to in it to ever make money or to get a huge following, my blog is a small one. I do admire my friends and the bloggers that have taken their blogs to great heights of creativity, and hard work. That is what they do for a living, my lifestyle hasn't allowed me to have a job yet, so I haven't catapulted into that arena. OR maybe it's not my gifting. That's being honest and digging deeper introspectively. These woman have major gifts, they are AMAZING. Following me so far?

But I have a gift too--it's writing. Maybe I have more gifts too. I know I relate well to people and easily connect to others, right to the very heart of someone. Authenticity and transparency. It is what it is, SO here I am, with a humble ol' blog and starting to write the manuscript of my book.

Because the blogging world can be such a competitive place, we all, and I know I can speak for all of us women--we ALL have struggled with comparison. How could we not? We reel it back in and get a good grasp of not comparing just to do it all over again. I'm getting closer and closer to conquering that, but who knows if I ever will be completely free of it. One thing that has helped me is realizing that we all have our own unique gifting. I have something to offer that someone with 10,000 followers does not. I have MY gifts, not hers, hers or hers. We are all unique to offer up something to the lives around us. That's the beauty of it. But we see success in the eyes of the world, we can become discouraged. I've let myself believe the lies that there is no place for me in the blog world because I'm not her. But I've fully accepted that lie. I try to give that lie as little attention as possible.

I also believe other lies, due to my wounds. I let myself believe that I was of less value because I wasn't at the Hope Spoken conference and also because I was not speaking at it. Why wouldn't they ask me to speak I say to myself? There are a bunch of reasons they didn't. But when your deepest wound is abuse, it tells you you are a nobody, you are garbage and you are unworthy. So the fight of my life is not equating that to every situation that comes up. I literally have to fight to NOT believe those things are true of me. And it was no different when the conference came up.

When those lies pop into my head I just have to sit with it, mull over it and apply truth. And that's exactly what I did. 

My value or your value does not change based on what you do. Sure this can make you feel better if you do a crappy job at something or if you are unpopular or unnoticed---but it's also true if you do an amazing, outstanding, stellar job at something and if you are popular and noticed !!!  The battle goes BOTH ways.How does that sit with you?

My value as a person did not and does not change if I ever get asked to speak at ANY conference! I am writing the manuscript to my book, and if I don't get published in a year or two, or ever, my value as a person will not change or waver! So take that WORLD.

the tulips i bought myself for finishing my preface

One of the hardest things in this world for people to deal with is the elitism that takes place. I mean it even takes place in high school--naming people KING OR QUEEN at Homecoming. Olympic athletes. Can you imagine living with yourself if you were the cause of your team losing? I remember at the last summer Olympics four years ago, and a 15 year old girl missed something major on the bar work--she took the fall and blame for her whole US team losing. No 15 year old, let alone any human, should have to deal with that sort of pressure. I am sure she felt like she was of less value. But as a person, a mere human, absolutely she was not.

And then there's the people that aren't in any spotlight. Women for whatever reason, are unable to use their lives for others. They are unable to write, or speak. They have no voice but they have MUCH to say. They live oppressed lives. There are many brilliant, wise, beautiful people in this world that don't even ever make the spotlight and no one knows their name. But as long as the One who created them knows their name, that is all they need. It's all I need.

Can you believe this? What lies have you believed about your value as a human?


BARBIE said...

Wow, I can so relate to this. First, your blogging is beautiful. I've followed your blog for a long time, although I don't always comment. I often feel small in this big world of blogging. I often feel left out of all of the blog conference fun, because, living in CA, it's too expensive to ever get to one. Sometimes I wonder if my words truly make a difference. But I am learning, over and over again, that if we are writing for Him, He will bring the one, the five or the thousands that we might minister to. It's all for His glory. You are a beautiful reflection of Him.

Amy Caudill said...

amen&amen. thanks for sharing..can't wait to read your book.

Ann Ehlert said...

I'm working on combating the lie that I am not attractive. I see other women and no matter what they look like I can see beauty. I want to see that in myself.

Carolyn said...

Great blog post, I am so happy that we are connecting!

I can so relate, thanks for sharing.

Samantha Heather said...

Wow, this resonates so strong within me. There are times where I feel my blog should be bigger and better and its all about the follower count when in fact, I started my blog because I was in a deep, dark place and needed a place to express myself.

I used to believe (and still do sometimes) that my worth is marked by my successes. It's all about getting the $100K job, or the fancy car, or the lovable boyfriend. I fell into my dark place when I fell short of these expectations but then I realised that I have God and the only thing I need in the world is Him, and through Him all my value and worth is found.

Christina Schergen said...

I loved this so much! I love your honesty and realness!!!

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