Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Don't Count Your Losses

I took a bad fall this past weekend. I was already having a rough week with fatigue, and then on Saturday, down I went. I stayed just one night in the hospital, and luckily didn't break anything. I feel like part of it is my fault because I didn't have my pelvic belt on, I haven't been wearing it for the last couple of months. (I know I know). But enough of that.

You all know by now I am a natural reflector. I am very introspective and always listening for a word from God, or wanting my days to teach me, fiercely. This little episode did nothing short of that. Here's why:

I had to leave the hospital with a walker and I have to use it for about a week, and after that, a cane for a while. Let me tell ya, this walker is a piece of work! I am not saying I am not grateful for it and the support it's giving me, but man, I can't do a thing with it!!! It's in my way and I can't get around easily, and it's clunky and on and on....

I'm going to be 39 in a couple of weeks, 39! I do not want a walker, or a cane for my future. I understand because of my history that I might need a cane on and off for support, and I can come to terms with that. But a walker? If I fall again, I am convinced I will break something, and that obviously is the last thing I want.

I do plan to get back into wearing my pelvic belt and making sure my house is set up correctly for me, (my husband has already started doing some things to make it safer for me), and I want to keep working hard in rehab so I can get stronger. There is so much in my future that I want to do! Come Fall, (no pun intended), it will be the first time I will be able to think of myself (that sounds terrible, doesn't it!?), and let go of some responsibility in 20 years. My husband and I are sort of starting a new life together as empty nesters soon, and we do have a lot of things we'd like to do. And I hope I am lucky enough to get to do some of them. I want to taste the sense of freedom that is right around the corner, and explore a new world that might be waiting for me. I would love to be more active, and take in all that is around me in a new way, like I've never gotten to do before. But I know I will have to physically work hard to make some of that possible.

There are so many losses in life. And I don't mean "huge" ones like a loved one dying, or losing a job or a house necessarily, or even being sick, or fighting chronic illness. I am talking about even the little losses, like someone letting you down when you thought they would act differently, or do something different. It could be a miscarriage, or a divorce. It could even be that you weren't included in something that you thought you would be. I am talking about maybe having to work so much that you miss quality time with your kids. I'm talking about your child growing from a pre-teen into full force teenage years. I am talking about friendships that shift, or change. It could even be a loss such as foods you need to eliminate in your diet. There are losses after losses after losses, that pile one on top of another in life, wouldn't you say?


And oh could I count them up, day after day. There all there. Big and little. Some medium. But I honestly think with every loss, there is a gain. Just as there is light in the darkness, and joy in the pain, there is gain in the losses. And I've decided I'm going to quit counting my losses, and starting noticing, and counting all that I gain in life. 

Yes I fell this weekend and it took a lot away from me and a lot out of me. But I gained so much! I had a wake up call, and now I realized I need to wear my pelvic belt. I am using a walker for a week, and it gave me so much insight I could explode! I'm so thankful that I don't need a walker everyday of my life! Many do.

If I take the time to notice and reflect the losses, and then gently let them go without ruminating about them forever, and commit to looking for what there is to gain, then I know my mind will have a lot more freedom and peace. And it is intentional work. It's very specific mind work to actually use your mind to tap into the awareness of what's happening between our ears. It's not easy. But it's very possible. Not only does it work, it helps. Oh the places you will go if you learn to let go of your losses sooner than later and focus on all there is to gain! If I look back and remember a loss, I guarantee I can see the gain in it. I think it's important to recognize and notice the losses too. Remembering that our spirits are faint when things hurt, or affect us. And that's ok. Give yourself that time to sit with the loss. Sometimes the worst thing that has ever happened to you is the best thing that's ever happened to you.



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52 comments:

ruthy ann said...

Gina your attitude, faith and outlook is so inspiring...

Lora said...

"...But I honestly think with every loss, there is a gain. Just as there is light in the darkness, and joy in the pain, there is gain in the losses. And I've decided I'm going to quit counting my losses, and starting noticing, and counting all that I gain in life..."

Brilliant perspective, Gina!!! thanks so much!

Victoria said...

You are an amazing woman! I do hope that you have some good days after all that you went through recently. The next season of your life will definitely be different. Can't wait tosee what God fills it with!

Morgan said...

I so relate to your introspectiveness. Your heart is so beautiful! Praying for an abundance of God's grace on you today!

Creating Through LIFE said...

This hit home. Thanks for your encouragement. Praying for you to gain strength with every step.

Elisha said...

Love your sweet comments! <3 Praying for you!

Dancing Branflake said...

Oh my, Gina. I am so sorry. I am so sorry your physical ailments are trying to damper your incredible spirit. But it isn't, because you are just as loving and inspiring as ever.

Meg {henninglove} said...

oh man girl im sorry for the fall and the pain you are experiencing. what is the pelvic belt by the way? maybe it is God's way of saying slow down, learn to be patient and listen to me more. Hope you heal fast!

Auntie Bliss said...

I'm going to make an early prediction that life is going to be sweet and easy from now on!
Hugs to you strong friend!! and of course, prayers to God on your behalf.

Kate said...

So inspiring, Gina! Glad you are living so positively through this, I'm certain your spirit will carry you through the most trying of times xo

vintage grey said...

Hi Sweet Gina,
So sorry about your fall. Will be praying for a quick recovery. Such a wonderful perspective the Lord has given you through this. Wishing you a blessed week! xo Heather

Summer said...

Wow, what an inspiring post! Hope your recover soon.

xo
summer

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Amy said...

Yes, Gina, sometimes the very worst things that happen to us are truly the best things. I believe that with all my heart and soul and being. God, can use anything to change and mold us. I will be thnking and praying for you. I am also so excited for you and your husband to start this new chapter in your marriage. How exciting. Like you i have never experienced a marriage without babies. This should be an amazing wonderful time for you and yours. SO EXCITING FOR YOU!!!
I am not sure what a pelvic belt is but if it will keep you from falling wear it.! There i told you. Hehe. Xoxo

christina said...

inspiring post friend! glad your feeling better. i wanted to let you know that i was praying for you this past week :) i can't always comment via instagram b/c of a cracked screen. lol. but i was thinking about ya'!

p.s. how great is it that even though there are many different types of loses big and small God still cares about each one.

Rissi said...

Aw! So sorry you fell, Gina! Hope you are feeling better. :)

Krista said...

I'm hoping this experience leads you to strength and enjoyment of your approaching freedom! Prayers for you Gina!

chambanachik said...

Wow. The things your write are always so thought-provoking. I am sorry you had a rough week, but I'm grateful for the wisdom you share.

Jessica said...

awe thank you for sharing even the hard times. hope you are ok.

Sarah B. said...

I'm so glad you're okay, Gina! Your such a wonderful individual to be able to take a bad situation, like your fall, and learn from it. I admire that about you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Have a quick and safe recovery, girl!

PS. I've had to use a walker for a while before, and I agree that it is no fun. You're not alone!

BIKBIK AND RORO said...

O dear, I'm so sorry about your fall, but thank the Lord, He gets us back on our feet again! What an inspiring post Gina, a reminder to remain steadfast, press on, and keep our joy. P.S. I'm doing fine, thank you for asking! Praise the Lord, the kids are doing fine as well (including Baby in the womb!) (and yep, those are my girls :). P.P.S. You're 39?? good grief, you look way too young for that (I'm a few years older than you so I should know haha).

Stephanie said...

I have been thinking of you often, my friend, and praying for your recovery. I hope each days brings more strength.

Jean said...

*HUGS*

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