Tuesday, January 8, 2013

And So She Writes

{there is so so much to catch up on friends, and in my next post i'll do that, but for now, i wanted to tell you all that i got an iphone finally, so i am taking better pics! here is one i took of a farm-isn't it gorgeous!? i also have been doing a lot of crocheting, i can't wait to share with you all, and i hope you'll tell me what you've been up to too, i've missed you like crazy. but for now i'm going to try to share my heart-it might be mumbo jumbo so bare with me}

I am a blogger. I am a writer. I am a mother, and I am a daughter. I'm also a sister, a friend, and a companion. I am giving, kind, gentle, and articulate. I can be artistic, some would say I'm creative, and others might say I'm wise. We are all a lot of wonderful, uplifting, positive things, aren't we? For me, I've struggled my whole life trying to get worth from each and every one of them. I've made it my life's work until recently, to be defined by these attributes. I may be a collection of these things, but I am not these things, my life may reflect these things, but they do not define who I am, meaning, I am not more worthy because I am any of these things. That's a hard lesson to learn, and I think it took blogging for me to see that.

One of the reasons I've been quiet around here is because I've been going through a season of change and it's paralyzed me in a way where I couldn't write. I was sick on and off for months from a Sjogren's flare up, my husband lost his job over a month ago, I started class on Monday nights in September, my daughter is turning 18 in a week, and senior year is keeping me very busy. It's a season. And it's ok.

When I first started blogging, I felt such a new sense of freedom! It was like the flood gates opened and I was going to take on the world! If you are a writer, you know exactly what I mean. I had blank page after blank page where I could write whatever I pretty much wanted and I could hit publish and BAM, it would go out into the world wide web, and I was going to change the world! It was liberating and it was a privilege to write a blog. It was a blessing. A gift. But I soon realized how many blogs there were and how many good, amazing, outstanding, creative blogs there were and I felt defeated.

See back to what I first said about my life's work getting worth from the great things I am. I did that same thing through blogging I think. When a day or two would  pass after I had just blogged, I felt pressure to write another post. I felt like I was striving to get something, and struggling to keep it, and anytime I have that going on in my life, including with this blog, I know something is off, not quite right in my spirit. It's not that my blog needed to go, it's that my perspective on it had to change.

For a while I thought I needed a ton of followers and the best looking blog, and amazing photos, and excellent pieces--I eventually realized, I needed just to be me. My readers are happy with just me. I didn't have to strive to make my blog something so I would get noticed. I've always fought with wanting to be noticed because of the abuse I've had in my past. It's a subconscious thing. Thinking I am not important or that I'm a nobody if {fill in the blank}. I hate believing such lies, don't you!?

I now know I can just simply appear, and write and share when I am able, and that is that. I now know I don't have to write every day or every other day to gain likes, and followers, and readers. That is too much pressure on me, and then I'm just back in the cycle of trying to produce something so I'll be sought after, or liked or worthy. And that feeling stinks. It corrupts my heart. And I don't like it.

Many things make me, me. But the number one thing that defines me is being God's child. And I know if I never blogged a day again in my life, or ever cooked dinner, or ever kept house, I would still be loved by God, because the unique thing with God is we don't have to do a thing to have or keep His love. And I love knowing that I can rest in that when life feels tough and it's too much to take on. And I'll approach my blog with a light hearted-ness, not trying to gain, attain, strive or fight for a thing. And I'll be filled with gratitude when readers come along, and people share their lives with me as I share mine with them. Because that is where the true gift is.



Krista said...

Wonderfully put my dear friend! I think many of us feel the same way and it is my intent not to let my blog define or stress me out this year. I will share what I can, when I can and that will be OK. Love your heart Gina!

Thank you again for the wonderful hoop, I love it so much!

fiddlehead said...

I really understand all of this....being authentically you is what is right. hugs.

fiddlehead said...

I really understand all of this....being authentically you is what is right. hugs.

Laura said...

Isaiah 49: 1 - 2...
Listen to me, all you in distant lands! Pay attention, you who are far away! The Lord called me before my birth; from within the womb He called me by name. He made my words of judgement as sharp as a sword. He has hidden me in the shadow of His hand. I am like a sharp arrow in His quiver.

When I first read this scripture, I immediately thought of you, Gina :) Keep blogging and please keep being you...this world needs you as there's no other to take your place! You are wonderfully unique :) xx

Elisha said...

Gina.. you never cease to amaze me! xoxo

Stephanie said...

Gina - you have such a beautiful blog, and the way you write always touches me deeply. I'm a firm believer that blogging is a creative outlet, and forcing yourself to blog makes it more of a chore than an art form. Being true to who you are, and the seasons of your life is the most important thing, and although I've missed your writing, I think you were wise to let your heart guide you. I pray for peace and joy and happiness for you and your beautiful family during these changing seasons.

Chrissy said...

Beautifully said! Loved reading this, and I must say, love ya, too! Hugs xxx

Liza said...

I love the honesty of this post. I've missed reading updates on your blog, but I fully understand your need for a break. I can honestly say I became a follower of your blog not because of how often you blog or how "cool" your blog is, but because of how open and vulnerable and real you are on here. I have gained a lot of wisdom from your outlook on life and you've helped me to begin to try and view life differently, more positively.

Love you friend and I've missed you around here! You'll be in my prayers!

Beth said...

Oh yes. I identify with...well, pretty much all of what you wrote. Well said!

Dancing Branflake said...

Powerful. You are a child of God. That will never change.

Mary said...

i love you,

Jessica said...

thanks for sharing your honesty.

ruthy ann said...

I think every blogger can relate to this post Gina! And you're right, regardless of how often you post, your loyal readers will always be here! Btw...so sorry to hear Kevin lost his job! Did he find one? Prayers for you and your family my friend!

vintage grey said...

Such a beautiful heart you have sweet Gina! Praying for you during this time of change. Love to you, Heather


Beautiful post! You are fearfully and wonderfully made dear friend. I trust you are enjoying the beginnings of a lovely, blessed new year -- stay a "prisoner of hope" *hugs*

Mandy Crandell said...

You are a beautiful person with so much to say. That's what matters. I hope 2013 treats you and your family much better. <3


Meg {henninglove} said...

love this post! so honest and true, and you are right you feel powerful at first there are no consequences to what you say then i think everyone gets caught up in that blogger cycle need more followers, need a better looking blog when in reality we just want you!!

lindsay said...

oh gina, you're my favorite! i adore your posts because they are God driven and true. so incredibly thankful for your heart and your writing c:

Creating Through LIFE said...

Very well said. I can't tell you how many times I've had the same thoughts. There are so many amazing blogs out there and it's hard not to compare and feel pressure to post as often as others do. But you're right people come to your blog because of YOU not because of anything else. We love reading what you have to say so keep it up when you can. If you don't blog in a while it's okay it just makes your readers look forward to hearing from you.

Autumn said...

Sounds like it has been a difficult time for you here lately.

I go through cycles where I feel like I invest a lot of time in my blog because it fills my time and other times when I have to pull back because I realize I have other things that are important. I enjoy when others read my blog, but I would probably be blogging anyway as I've had years of private blogs in the past (just with much less pictures!).

I love reading your thoughts. You are loved and you are worthy.

christina said...

so true and insightful!! just remember that your words really are glorifying god and making a difference! :)

christina said...

p.s. praying for this season you are in right now friend ! and you are so right it is just a season :)

Erica said...

Here's to being you and letting your true self shine through in your blog. We couldn't ask for or want anything more. :)

trishie said...

I love what you said about blogging. You just have to be you. Best wishes to you for the new year. Looking forward to more great posts from you.

Victoria said...

I have been reminded of the SAME thing over the last few months! Clinging to verses like 2 Peter 1:3, because I just HAVE to. :)

God is sooo good and sooo patient. Rough seasons come and in them, I see who I am in Him.

Andrea said...

Oh, you are so right about the 'true gift', I appreciated this post dearly! xo

Gaby said...

so awesome to read this today. i've been feeling so many of the same emotions lately. i'm particularly guilty of comparing my blog to others and feeling that i'm not good enough. my writing isn't strong, my photos aren't good enough, etc. etc... so good to step back, re-evaluate and decide to keep blogging from a different place. x

Natalie said...

Beautifully put =) Praying for you in this season.

Amy @ AGirlCalledBeloved said...

I can not express to you how much I loved this post. I think I've thought every one of those thoughts up there over the past few months and I'm striving to make that change now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this Gina! I really needed to read this.

Michelle said...

Oh Gina, I'm so thankful for you and your blog--just the way you are. I'm so sorry about the things you're dealing with, and I will be praying for you!

Tamera Beardsley said...

I was just stopping by to say I was thinking of you my dear .... lovely post. So it's seven months and counting... How are you with that? Sending you love my dear!

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vintch said...

sweet friend, i will read your words no matter what. you are such an inspiration to me. whether it's on facebook or here, your words never cease to inspire, amaze and constantly bless my heart. much love, dear xoxoxo

Cindy said...

Dear Gina,

Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I feel privilege to be let into your world. I am also struggling with a lot of things, but resonate with the whole striving thing you are talking about. Oh, how we don't have to strive to be accepted by God or others. I am learning to stop performing but simply be.

How I wish this world is simple. Glad God's love for us is simple and honest.

Bless you.

Sister in Christ,

chambanachik said...

I'm sorry about your husband's job and I know that must be really stressful, along with the rest. I'm always happy to read your posts, and I hope it's a place you feel like you can breathe.