Do any of you remember the angel on one shoulder and devil on the other image? Well we all know how it goes; basically one voice is telling you to do one thing and one voice is telling you another. Good vs. bad, positive vs. negative. The voices don't necessarily have to be telling you to do two different things, they can also just be telling you two different things. I had a week like that. Kind of like the lyrics to the new Florence and The Machine song: "And it's hard to dance, with the devil on your back, so shake it off...shake it off, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off---"
There was a bad crash on the bridge into our town the other night due to mayflies. I guess the lights on the bridge weren't turned off and they are attracted to the lights, and they apparently leave a slime--it was so bad there was a head on collision. Luckily, no one was severely hurt, and because of that, I was thankful to God.
Well I wrote a comment on the news site where the story was written, and I said something along the lines of being thankful to God that all were ok. Some guy started this chain of comments telling me how stupid, dumb, and slow I was for believing in God. He started ripping on me and making fun of me and being extremely cruel. 12 comments later, I was in tears. The crazy thing about it is that my comments were so innocent and unharmful, and I was not looking for a debate whatsoever. In likely fashion, I wrote a poem to express my emotions and to get myself out of the pit this guy put me in. Because the little girl devil you see in that picture was telling me all sorts of lies all week long, and I shut the angel girl out. I shut the truth out. I started to believe the little red dress devil girl, and I needed a way to gain ground on truth.
when i'm told i'm not good enough,
i remember that i'm a child of God
and that settles my heart
when i hear that i am stupid
i remember that someone must
not know me well, and they will
have their own judgement over me,
but i don't have to believe it
when i am told i am slow because
of my comprehension, i remember that
academics, debating, and education are
not everything in this life and do not define me
when i hear a voice tell me that i'm not
a hard enough working homemaker i
remind myself that i do what i can when
i can through the week, and that baked
muffins or canning doesn't measure my worth
when i hear the voice whispering in my ear
that i am not pretty enough or that i am too fat
i choose to hear the voice of truth that tells me
i am perfect the way i am made
when i hear a negative voice saying that
i don't have a purpose or an important
place in this life, i squash it and listen
to the positive, good, truthful voice
that says i have something unique to offer
with the gifts i've been given
choosing to believe the good, pure, and truthful voice hangs on everything for us. it will help us get through our weeks, and it will help us to keep going. it will help us conquer negative thoughts and lies that are fed to us in our heads. accepting the little girl angel will free us from what others think of us and give us a chance to continue to be who we were meant to be.
the guy that left me those comments, wanted to do the exact opposite of what i wrote above. and i had to make an effort to be reasonable and not listen, accept or believe what he said. he wanted to steal my joy, my spirit, and get me worked up, and it worked--until i worked my way through it. i encourage you to do the same if something similar happens to you with either someone you know or don't know. because recently someone i know also hurt me deeply and crushed my spirit something awful. most of the time when that happens i think it's because someone doesn't understand me or the way i am--they confuse my joy they see in me with something else, or they just don't like it. and that's ok. again, i had to work through that hurtful incident too. life is such a process of hurting and healing. i know these people wanted to keep me down because it made them feel more important. but i only took the bait for a day (ok, maybe 2).
P.S Did you notice anything different around here?! I had the good fortune of working with Lindsay from Scenic Glory on my new design. She miraculously put my vision full circle and I love it!