On Nells and the Fragility of Life

I can hardly put into words what this weekend has been like for me/us. So I will just dive right in.

As you know Nells has not been himself for weeks. And also that Nells is like a second child to me.

 Here he is starting to act peculiar and scared in the yard about 5 days ago.

He had three separate trips to the Vet, and each time they told me something different. The first time, they said it was allergies, the second time they told me it was behavioral or possibly a pulled muscle in his neck, (because he yelped and cried when we touch him there), and the third time they told me it was either a herniated disc in his neck or a tumor.

A few days after his last Vet visit, Nells declined rapidly and I mean rapidly. He went paralyzed on his left side, wasn't eating, drinking or going potty on his own. It was devastating to say the least to experience and to witness.

These two pictures are him really starting to decline; he couldn't walk, started to not be interested in anything, and on a lot of meds to help keep him comfortable. 

We took him into the U of M because they are one of the best in the country, and they too believed it was a herniated disc in his neck that Nells needed emergency surgery. He is only 6, and his prognosis was good--85% chance he'll walk again and make it through surgery fine!

After much time of crying, screaming and trying to figure it all out, we went ahead with the CT scan which INDEED showed a herniated disc in his neck. This was the best news we could get. If it was a tumor, there is nothing they could have done since it was on his spinal cord. Nells was declining so fast that they were afraid of him losing air supply because of where the disc was pressing. This was all figured out in a matter of hours, what a living nightmare. It was like he was walking one day, and completely crippled the next.

Then, the next scare was getting him through surgery and I am please to say that he made it through just fine! It was risky because of how the disc was slanted, but it was a success and we should be able to pick Nells up on Wednesday! He was being moved out of ICU today!

What this did to my heart and emotions I don't think I can describe, but for now I rejoice in the fact that he is OK, even though he might not walk again--and I give all the glory to God and prayer! I honestly feel unworthy of this good news, isn't that sad? I still have such issues there.

On top of all this going on with Nells, it was Madelynn's Junior Prom the same day! I had to hold myself together as best as I could but at any given moment tears came from my eyes like water.

She was an absolute beauty and just radiant, here see for yourself!

Pretty amazing, huh? It was right after all this excitement that we found ourselves thinking we were gonna lose our dog.

When life goes on day by day, sure we might think or actually appreciate the things and people around us. Sort of like how my blog is dedicated to seeing beauty and noticing it. 


But if I'm honest with myself, I do take things for granted. 


There are things all around us that everyday mundane life steals from us: kissing our spouses on the lips everyday, thanking people specifically and telling them that you appreciate them, (such as all the support I've gotten on FB and IG, and my blog, I want and need to thank everyone personally, no matter what), seeing a Robin perched on the peak of a house, holding your dog or cat or other animal close to you and just gently stopping to thank God for their health, telling your kids' friends that they are special and that you enjoy having them around, making meal time important by having it together as a family as much as possible and soaking in the conversation, for the grass being so darn green, for coca-cola, for freedom in our country and freedom in condemnation from our God, for other blogs, the cashier checking you out, for the food you were able to purchase today, for being able to eat dairy because pizza is amazing, for being able to drink wine or champagne at special events (I know people who can not), for traveling, for being able to walk, and have your senses, I mean I could write all night here people! 

I guess I'm trying to say that life is fragile, whether something traumatic is happening right now in your life or not, eventually it will. It will come. But so will reward, so will goodness, so will strength, so will lesson, so will blessing. I promise you. Nells being able to come through on a good note is proof that there is goodness in suffering and pain. Your suffering is your story, and oops, now I'm going on a different tangent!!!

So I'll say this: do what I do- ask---when you are down, or things are rough, or you are experiencing loss or possible loss or trauma, what can you see in this? What can you learn? What can you take away from it? Not why, because we do know why, it is a fallen, messed up messy world. But how about what and how and when and where? Because that is how you will get through this fragile life and by drawing strength from God because in our weakness, He is strong! You will gain faith, new insight, and new perspectives like crazy if you seek. If you are willing, God is able.

I felt I had such lack of faith this weekend where Nells was concerned, but everyone around me showed tremendous faith; believing and knowing that Nells was going to get through this! They had faith for me I guess. I just wasn't strong enough, so I let others and God hold me, and I am speechlessly thankful.

I am so dearly sorry that I have not yet responded to your comments from my Mother's Day post, but life has obviously happened, but I will do it, I am planning on it. Thank you all for your caring for me, my family and for Nells since I've had this lil ol' blog, you are all a huge blessing in my life, please know that.

I will let you know when Nells is home and I will have some pictures, (unless they are too sad)!

Peace

P.S. Gosh, sometimes as a blogger I feel so selfish, so I'd love to know how you are, would you tell me?