Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Marriage Series, Week Two, Passion in Marriage

This photo was taken of us in Amsterdam in February of 2001 (our last dinner there)

 If it's one thing my husband and I have always had, it's passion. Sure we've had quite a few disruptions through the years in that passion, but....
Passion is kind of an odd word for me to use, because it's sort of more like excitement, or spontaneity. And if you asked anyone who knows us well, they'd say that we have a spark when we are together. I feel confident writing about this topic because it is something that has been pretty awesome for us. My Husband is a real spontaneous, funny, adventurous guy, and we are both affectionate people who enjoy a lot of the same things in life. A few things we enjoy exploring together are: new cities, nature, exploring the arts of all kinds, finding new restaurants, having coffee, and loving on animals.
This is us the night of our rehearsal dinner, two nights before our Wedding.

I thought it would be most convenient for everyone if I sort of shared my insight on this through a list!

I would say the number one thing to first keep in mind is to watch and pay attention to your tone. To me, tone sets the mood for just about anything and everything. By this I mean that people are severely affected by tone and if our tone is off or rude, especially on a continual basis, it will surely kill any spark that you have going for yourselves in the relationship. In my experience, I don't want to be around my husband and he doesn't want to be around me if we have a harsh tone. We both instantly will most likely shut down.

Figure out what you both like to do together and capitalize on that! My husband and I love the Zoo, Cafe's, shopping, antiquing, museums, and traveling. We love weekend trips, and volunteering together and watching movies. We also like to do a craft together from time to time. I think it's important to figure out what it is you like to do together, but also, invest in finding out what you like to do separately too, and be interested in that! My husband likes video games sometimes, so once and a while, I will play a two person game with him. (Can you picture me?)! He is also a techy guy, so I'll ask questions about what he's into. We both love to read so we take interest in what each of us is reading. 
It's important to be involved as much as you can in what your spouse is interested in because your spouse LIKES when you do that!!! That makes them happy, therefore, keeps passion going.

Flirt! The longer we are together, the more the infatuation goes away, the "new" love. There is so much flirting in the early stages of dating and marriage, that it's interesting to me how that can sort of stop a few years into the relationship. Flirting won't be as natural as it once was, but we can make an effort to do it! It makes things fun and keeps things new! It can be unexpected too, so your partner will be surprised but will typically play along and have fun with it. My husband will dance with me. When I am upstairs during the day doing my thing listening to music or something, he'll come up from his office and start slow dancing with me. It's really cute. There are many a ways to flirt, so start thinkin about how you can!

Compliment! It's so so so important to compliment your spouse. This is something that builds passion, by adding something extra special to their day. Whether they look pretty or handsome, or you are encouraging them in their job. Lifting your partner up in any way you can is huge! I would also add--ask your partner how their day was!!!

Find new things to do, and find new ways to do something. Do something together you've never done, whether it's dance classes, cooking classes, or sky diving I don't know, but something! We got a dog once, haha that has sure been exciting to this day for us! Explore anything together.
And when I say find new ways to do something, I mean if there is an area in your relationship that isn't working the greatest, work together, "fight" together to figure out something that will work! This could be your communication, your work schedules, or too much technology taking over your relationship (this is such a common one these days). Listen to your partner, and find out what is bothering them and why, and be in tune with their needs and wants. By finding out new ways for your relationship to run smoother, you will find more and more passion will be building. I mean when my husband listens to me, and cares about what I want or need, I am turned on by that, I love that! Focus on serving one another, be attentive, present and care for them the way they need to be. Be tender with your partner. Be gentle with their spirit, because we are so fragile as humans beings.

Stay positive! You would not believe the challenges my husband and I have had in the last 10-11 years together! It's absolutely unreal. We have had plenty going against us, but in all of it for the most part, except for our darkest days, we have kept positive. We have had some extreme mishaps, misfortune and down right utter inconveniences, but through it we have never forgotten laughter (which could be number ONE on my list), and have remained positive. We have never been negative, pessimistic people. The fact that both of us are very positive, and take life in stride, helps a LOT. And ya gotta have humor. Oh where oh where would we be without humor!?! Do not forget this you guys, There will be dark, painful, awful, un-fun things in your lives together, but handle it all with grace, and loosen your grip on life's hang ups. You will find that the spark together will stay lit as you embark on life through positive lenses, and this kind of attitude will make your home a lot more peaceful too! If it's not life threatening, I always say, then it's not that bad. 

Marriage Series Button

I hope you come by and share a post with us! You have a few days to link up,
so we hope to see you!

Don't forget to check out Vintch's post today and Mama Loves Papa's post.


Anna said...

I so agree on this. And your especially right when it comes to finding things that you both love to do and to do it together. I believe that there is nothing better than that for a couple! (I really hope sailing will be that thing for us...But I don't know yet, since I haven't tried.)

bonbon said...

Thanks for this post! All are such great pieces of advice. i feel like in todays world divorce is the norm and when the flame dies a little people just chalk it up to "I fell out of love." I especially love what you said about tone. It's all in the way we say it, that's for sure!

new follower :)

bonbon said...

Actually... I can't find a button to follow you! How do I follow?!

beka said...

gosh, this is great. wonderful post, gina! ♥ so true about humor. where would we be without it?!

vintch said...

love this! i know i say this all the time, but friend you are so, so pretty. simply stunning!

i love all these ideas:) i especially love the reminder to flirt. i grew up with parents who had date night every friday and flirted every single day. it was one of the most comforting, reassuring things! it's important for you two, but also for your children to see and witness as a reminder of your devotion. great tips, gina!

hennymats said...

Gina, that is beautiful, and so true. Copied to my inspiration file!

Thank you.

Nicole said...

Thanks for sharing such originality!

Jean said...

thanks for sharing and i agree. a relationship is work that both parties need to be involved!

and i would love to travel to amsterdam one day. love the buildings!

kyna... said...

This is such an awesome post! I need to remind myself of these things more often to keep things "fresh and exciting" with the hubs! Thanks for the reminder!!!
♥ Kyna

chambanachik said...

Wonderful tips!!

stephanie said...

this is an amazing post lady! and look how long your hair was! love it.

theolivetree said...

Love this. I heard a pastor say this and try to do it ... My husband should never come across someone who treats him better than me

Cait Emma said...

again, what wonderful words. you really have such a beautiful and blessed relationship xo i love that you also end on a note of positivity! so great!

ashley.warner said...

you have the best advice!
thanks for sharing - i loved hearing what works for you and your hubs!

xo -ash

ps. i tagged you over on my blog - check it out!

Rolled Up Pretty said...

I LOVE this post! Thanks for sharing, it's always so good to have a reminder of things we can be/need to be doing to keep our marriages healthy. You and your hubby are SO cute together, LOVE these old pictures, SO SO CUTE!

Daisy said...

Love this post!! It so helpful for me even though I am just getting married. I think you're right, It's important to not loose the spark :)

Alana said...

I love this! I agree with all of your tips. :) Love this series!

Mr. Taylor and his Lady said...

oh gosh, i think flirting is definitely VERY important in a marriage. you have to keep the flame alive by being young and vibrant ;)
xo TJ

Erin @ Currently Coveting said...

That is too sweet that your hubs comes and slow dances with you!!! I love that, precious.


Jami Nato said...

alright, i'm going to get my "make out" on.

Heather said...

Eek, I can't wait to catch up on this series! Must find more time to read blogs! Love this!

memory said...

Awh! Love that picture of you two. Your hair is just so pretty, I'm telling ya! ;P

Picturing y'all dancing and playing video games... so sweet! :)


Lindsay @ Delighted Momma said...

What a wonderful post!! I agree that flirting is important--yet so easy to just stop doing. Love this series!