Friday, October 7, 2011

Embrace Humility

Now that I'm doing these Embrace Your Face posts every Friday,
the week seems to FLY.
I planned on blogging about embracing my TEETH this week, yep, you heard
me, my teeth. BUT, there is something else pressing on my heart,
so I'll re-visit the post on my teeth at a later date. (I have photos
ready and everything)

On with the NEW plan.
A couple of weeks ago I opened up a bit about my history with Endometriosis and Tumors, you can read about it here.
I had treatment, 2 different ones on Thursday and it was brutal. And I am not exaggerating.

The toughest one to get through was my main treatment, not the therapy for my back (I have a fluid filled ligament right now because it's working as a muscle and that is a no no). It causes a ton of pain on top of the already chronic pain in my lower right abdomen.

Today during treatment for the healing of adhesions and tissues, and scarring in my pelvis--just to name a few-- (deep visceral manipulation), I was completely humbled.

It was either that or sheer embarrassment. 

She was kneading my tummy, (while I was laying down), pulling and stretching my skin til it burned from my back and chest, and applying pressure to my pelvis. She then proceeded to have me sit up in a sitting position, and slouch over while she was behind me. She was digging under my ribs with her hands, and it HURT.
(I made sure to ask her if there was no cussing aloud--she got a good laugh out of that)

THIS IS NOT PRETTY PEOPLE. I have only had one child, but I have major stretch marks, and I've been opened up 40 times surgically, and I have NO TAN. And I am pure mush.
HUMBLED: Lower (someone) in dignity or importance:
Decisively defeat. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc

The day before treatment I got out with a girlfriend to Eloise Wildflower and Bird Sanctuary 
because I knew I'd be recooping the next few days.
Turns out my therapist was trying to get under my rib cage so she could free up some adhesions that were making my gall bladder and liver stick together. 


It's all a process, mostly of not believing the lie that feels so real and sounds so loud. Mostly by accepting.
And by CLINGING to the truth. That I am in a season. Just a season. Will I ever be100%? Most likely not. But my God is bigger than all of this. Will I be able to do more in 2 years than I can do today? That's the hope. Will I be stronger? Will I have more stability. I hope so.These are truths.

I had to bare all, and I had to block out what Marie, my therapist would maybe be thinking about such a sight. I had to apply truth to the situation. She's there to help me in my healing process. She's not there to judge my body. She has seen it all I'm sure. Her goal is to get me well. 
I have to endure these treatments. I have to endure the embarrassing moments and learn to embrace this humility (slash) embarrassment in order to heal.

I can't say that I EMBRACE it all perfectly. But I can say I am choosing to accept to embrace it. We are all on a path of our own. Everyone's path leads somewhere different. But along our paths we can choose the same things: acceptance, easiness on ourselves, humility, grace, patience.

I endure my bi-weekly treatments because I believe that even though I am literally bruised afterwards, sore and fatigued, I can hope restoration-not only physically, but mentally and spiritually.  God is shaping us all along the way, and we can choose to embrace what life brings, or has for us, or we can be paralyzed by the disappointments and difficulty.


"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."
Psalm 139:13



Anonymous said...

you got it babe, you are trying to focus on what's more important in that experience, that you are trying to heal. she is definitely only thinking about your body to try and fix it. as i was recently told, remember, your NEEDS are paramount right now. and to say to yourself, "i am here to get better."


Natalie said...

Will be keeping you in my prayers Gina!!! Hang in there! =)

Day-Dreamin' Optimist said...

Oh Gina, just reading this has humbled me. You have had 40 operations and I haven't experienced one yet. I am extremely humbled by this. And you are beautiful for being so open about this vulnerable part - I have learned something good today. Thank you so much!

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

beautiful words and post :) thanks for sharing!

O'Melly said...

I have a quote that I think suits where you are with this right now, and it's from one of my favourite books "Paint it Black" by Janet Fitch. It goes:

"How right that the body changes over time, becoming a gallery of scars, a canvas of experience, a testament to life and one's capacity to endure it."

If only the world could see our banged up bodies as the beauty of a life lived, and not such a superficial physical ideal of how we're "supposed" to look.

Be strong and believe in yourself more than anything. If you want to be 100% again, you can. Just don't accept anything less for yourself. You are inspiring :) Much love


Ferial said...

Thank you so much for sharing this, Gina. I am humbled and blessed by your story, your experiences, your vulnerability. And, I think you are BEAUTIFUL!

gina lou said...

These comments mean the world to me, they are so encouraging. Even the fact that you all took the TIME to comment and share blows my mind. I thank each one of you....O'Melly, what you wrote reminds me of this Sara Groves song called "Less Like Scars", and she incorporates not her physical scars but internal scars as becoming like character...and how she's learned and grown from those scars. I love what you wrote, thank you for sharing that, I might have to check into that book.
Love you all!